Who do you wanna look like?

They're on the magazines or the web, on your mind, or just on your mirror - what's better?

By ChulucanasGym

When you begin to train into a discipline, as bodybuilding or fitness to have an example, is unavoidable we look for a reflex or a referent turning in our sport achievement's goal.

"I'd look like..." is an usual answer among rookies, who usually become researching the life of those referents in many cases, as much as they turn that wish for real.

Is this a possitive attitude? It depends, so let's analyse the three possible scenarios about referents: models, archetypes or self-lovers.

The models, by definition, are all referents who became to achieve as much as their names and images are strongly linked and placed into the discipline we practice. Many times, they are part of a fashion vogue, so the model who was the masses idolatry 40 years ago probably has been replaced by a another one as each decade or each time range has passed on.

The possitive: As assummed as a mentor, someone which good example is good to imitate in other words.
The negative: Believing that everything working for that one will work for me too, when the first we have to have in mind is any organism is similar to another one, even having a strong genetic influence.

The archetypes are the possitive ideas we have about someone or something, adding a set of specific or very specific characteristics about we consider as perfect. They don't ask about a brand necessarily but our own aknowledgement and what is reflected in designing our own idealization.  Said another way, it's like having a model with a body but without a face in special, a name in particular neither.  It's not a "I'd like to be..." but "I want to be...". In some cases, archetypers could look like some Dr. Frankenstein taking an arm here, a leg there, a torso beyond,  so conceiving the human body as a set of exchangeable pieces in extreme.

The possitive: There's not an obsession to follow someone punctual but it becomes an addition of everything for creating someone quite different, inexistent, but turning into our best goal.
The negative: our archetype exceeding so much our expectations that turns into an unreachable obsession as much as it creates a guilt or frustration feeling.

The self-lovers don't see anybody else, think of an ideal neither, only go ahead as much as they can  and their actual achievement is their partial or final goal, indeed. It's hard to assure if this is  a symptom of much vanity, much self-esteem, or a rare hybrid of both, but they are not paying attention  about anyone nor anything as a referent.  They are their own model and archetype as well.

The possitive: It's possible they're more realistic when setting a goal not falling into the obsessive compulsion of being like somebody else.
The negative: They could fall easily into conformism as much as they don't set goals neither, only training for what comes on.

The advice for trainers and trainees is having the time to talk personally about their each one's sport tasks. The trainer must be much careful about not creating a profile who gets easily obsessed, frustrated, guilty or comformist. The trainee has to have in mind that training  must have two aspects: discipline and amusement. If your sport activity is another  cause of stress, then it is not becoming a healthy lifestyle.

Learning about myself knowing what my advantages and limitations are, knowing  to work them in my favor could be the starting point for everything. Then, choosing a model, designing an archetype or being a self-lover will be a very personal decision based upon reason instead of emotion.

Go training sustainable in time!

Peruvian host Elías Velasco shows us what the fitness gave him but from an alternate perspective.

 

Photos by Jair Tacza Herrera, special to ChulucanasGym. Special gratitude to Legion Fitness Gym (Lima) for allowing us to shot the star of this entry during his training session.

 

In 2007 Mister Lima, 2007 Mister Summer, and 2007 Mister Peru (Photos from Elías Velasco’s archive).

 

“I live sustainable in time inside-to-outside,” Elías Velasco (Lima, Peru, November 21^st, 1974) affirms. Almost turning 49 years old (at the time this entry is posted), the director, creator, and host of Café & Conversa, a Spanish-language streaming TV talk-show, looks like an amazing body, that highlights from other guys of his generation.

 

Elías began in bodybuilding in 1993 like a psychological therapy. A love disappointment, a dismissal in a job opportunity, and a good friend were the blasting recipe that turned a thin guy, 5.6 feet, 119 lbs, into a128-pound athlete in the lapse of one year.

 

In 2004, he studied and specialized in fitness. Later, in 2007, he started contesting  in Mister Summer, in Lima, what he wan. Then, Mister Lima selective came on, what he reached the second place in classic bodybuilding category (137 lbs, 7% body fat). Ultimately, in the same category, he got a third place in Mister Peru (141 lbs, 10% body fat).

 

Bringing down, then being reborning

He couldn’t go ahead in the competitive field because he took anabolics that activated a bone disease that reduced him to 108 lbs. elías depressed so much that he almost committed suicide.

 

In 2008, when he healed in body and mind, he returned to the gym  but another thinking. He never left it from that moment on, restoring his physique – his inner peace, over all.

 

Inclusive, he was summoned to work as an artistic model  in three times, even, between that year and 2012. Eventually, he played the role again for one of his shows in 2023 – he continued to look like amazing. At this entry closed, Elías have scheduled to feature his body for another  art exposition. Meanwhile, the pictures we present you here, all were produced exclusively for ChulucanasGym.

 

A new philosophy

“The humankind has built pretty fragile, easy-to-corrupt personal issues in time because it don’t know itself, it don’t train inside neither,” elías says to ChulucanasGym.

 

“People vainly live decorating the front yard in their lives, but  not generating substantial changes because they hardly negotiate and deal for living collectively  healthy,” he adds.

 

Elías Velasco affirms the main benefit of training sustainably in time is having found the balance between body and mind, at least speaking by himself.

 

The power of mind

Training with emotional intelligence, having reached living inside-to-outside seem to be the break point, in his words.

 

“Because you achieve training and empowering yourself plenty finding harmony, balance, fullness, and a pretty mighty and clean decision power  to live in health connected to the cosmos, so you apply it into your daily life, then you will look like strong inside and outside,” he advises.

 

Additionally, Elías has found his vocation working in the media, and he is preparing more and more each time, learning from the guests to his TV show. “We’re what we decide,” he states.

 

Follow Elías | Comment on X | chulucanasgym@gmail.com

  

A bodybuilding-based cult?

By ChulucanasGym

VISITOR’S DISCRETION ADVISED

The story is not probably new., but who tell it did look for  picturing it as featured on this post. It’s about the young farmer male, who doesn’t find opportunities to develop in his environment and decides to migrate to the big city. But instead finding progress, he finds much obstacles and multiple temptations  those put him in the edge of social risk, mainly crime and drug addiction.

Then, a solidarian hand ddiscovers him at an eventual job that only provides him the necessary to survive, and realizes he has a potential to launch a career in bodybuilding. It opens him the doors of a gymnasium, the Young male wonders about the new world revealed to him and takes the opportunity. He begins to work out, grows up physically, changes his mind from conformism to competitiveness, feels motivated to contest, and eventually gets little-but-significant triumphs.

Itt’s evident the contrast between a life without goals and what seems to be the beginning of a career that promises achievements, and it could be the story of your own life. But the element that nobody would think is that the story were pitched to some magazines or websites specialized in bodybuilding, instead, it could have a religious use, rather. Yes, themuscular development of a bodybuilder becomes to use for enhancing a very little cult considering its followers, but what uses an ancestral symbology.

It happens in Jamaica, where the Church of Kyrios Christ, that proposes a big influence of the African culture in the three big religions of humankind, but what became invisible because of apparent race factors, has used the power of bodybuilding to make popular the cult for one of its orishas, a kind of demigods, named Olorun. The Church, which theology is based upon youruba  cults, also proposes the reinvindication of the African-descendant people into the world’s history, and it performs a ceremony every year when it renacts that orisha’s myth.

According to its parishioners, Olorun was made a slave during the colonial trafficking started in 16^th century (beautiful literary works have born from that time in the Americas). Once he lived at the barracks  of an estate located in the actual Chalacalá Town, near Sullana City, Peru, the orisha was a rebel mood, so the estate-owner used to punish by leaving naked and wearing a fetter with chains to humiliate to him, but Olorun, calling out divine forces, took the bold piece of metal with his hands and broke up by his own power.

A very ancient tactic

Independently this event was whether historically true or not, it’s enacted during this ceremony in Jamaica with the evident purpose that the parishioners not to forget about it, so reaffirming the cult values. And according to the Church, it looks for a model, usually Colombian or Jamaican, every year to perform the Olorun role, something that, as the organization’s leaders say, is accepted as a high honor by the chosen actor.

The idea of taking a real human being to remember or invoke an abstract reference or a belief is an oldest resource as  the art and culture of humankind. In Classic Greece, the Olympics’ winners used to be featured as the models for the statues of gods (and goddesses, because there were also  contests for women), and one of the philosophic principles at the ancient gymnasiums stated that the perfection of human shape was the closest way to look like a god or a goddess.

And that health-art-religion relationship has kept along the time, maybe hidden until the Renaissance (15^th century), but present up to today. Iff not, look around slowly when you go to the gym and have your own conclusions.

Good or bad?

So, only if the bodybuilder is aware he is actually training. It could be an interesting strategy  to reach constance, one of the values muchly hardworking to grow. But if the bodybuilder cannot take off the character of god or demigod, or celebrity, or famous person, or popular referent, it will be necessary professionalassistance with pairs advisory.

In this sense, the work of the trainer is crucial. It must not be reduced to care the athlete for doing the movement correctly, or complete the required reps or sets. He also has to take time to explore the psychology  of his pupil so giving him  the right support, and knowing to motivate him for continuing to overcome. Maybe, it’s not necessary to say him that he has to look like a god, but it’s important to feedback the goals  both proposed since the training began, and maybe this is one of the keywords – goals.

About the rest, the use of the religion to advocate a healthy lifestyle, only done with awareness and not falling into the fanatism, could result very positive. Many ancestral religions have very specific habits about feeding, for example, those have been incorporated as diet schemes accepted by international organisms, but stressing the basis of the variety and the balance.

And about the art-bodybuilding relationship, we think it’s an excellent combination only provided the bodybuilder assumes his artist stage as a dimension to set free in the whole sense of the expression, not like an obsession many times badly directed by some producers or career managers, who could be thinking the things more of audience or incomes matters. Like the food, everything in the right balance will be ever positive.

Shive Roy is featured as the model of this post. Photographs provided by Dwight Foster.

Do you have a similar story to share? Let us know it at chulucanasgym@gmail.com, our Twitter account, or using the comment box below.

My Profile – Ronny Rondón

My change began that afternoon when I saw myself in the mirror across the shower.

 

I’m Ronny José Rondón Acosta, a fitness trainer, son of Juan José Rondón Tovar and Nely Josefina Acosta Vallejo. I was born in Cumaná, Venezuela, in 1989.

 

The big change I made into my life happened at 18 years old, but before, I want you think on this quote by the Classic Greek philosopher Socrates (470 BC to 399 BC(: “a life without exam is not worthy to be lived.” Join me up next to understand how it applied me.

 

In 2007, I graduated as Sciences Bachelor from José Castro Machado Lyceum, and I didn’t only bring good scores since my childhood – the overweight came me disturbing the life constantly. In fact, I was one of these three Venezuelans over or above a healthy weight. I’m 5’6 feet, I was 212 lbs. To make you an idea, I only wore 12-size pants and my shirts had to be XL-size.

 

According to Mayo Clinic, “the obesity is a complex disease that consists in having  an excessive body fat amount.” It adds it’s not only about an aesthetic issue. In the other hand, the overweight second voice for Oxford Dictionary is simply “The weight excess of a person or an animal.”  It was not so simple for me.

 

When you have obesity, your body image often is negative or distorted compared to the reality. You feel bad, you suffer, and you even feel the society rejects you. In this point, it’s convenient we work on and re-adapt to release that insatisfaction on our body, but let’s continue with my experience.

 

I grew up at my mother-grandparents’ house. Once upon an afternoon, I entered the bathroom just before getting to the yard. I saw my body in the mirror while I took a shower. Right there, inside that room, I sweared myself I’d never be fat again.

 

I decided to enter a gymnasium that same day. I got one of the best fitness female trainers who was encouraging me to work out and having the body I get now, that I look like proud. Today, I wear M-8-size shirts due to I have got a wide back, and my pants are  8-size.

 

As I said in the beginning, I’m a fitness trainer. Today, I have female pupils who started like me, with obesity. Time later, they look like gorgeous.

 

When I look back, and specifically that afternoon when my image reflected in that mirror while I was taking a shower, and I compare to actual time, I overall feel pride and I feel this is just one of the first goals I have got in my life. I still have much land to conquer but I hope to tell you in other entry. Will you join me again?

Contact Ronny Rondón | Let’s talk on X | chulucanasgym@gmail.com

  

“I feel uncomfortable when they look straight at it”

What you can do  when these better-developed body parts of yours seem to catch everybody’s attention.

 

Percy, 41, Works by turns at the reception of a public building. The suit fits him OK, as much as a guy asked him if he works out – Percy answers “yes, I do,” but, as he judges, he also have noticed many people, no matter the sex, look straight at his ass.

 

“The suit is made of a thin cloth,” he tells, “then, when I stand up, I feel the people look straight at my buttocks.” It’s when a confusing sensation fills him up: In one hand, it feels good when the people look straight at you, but sometimes you feel the looks want to get you naked.”

 

Among his chances, Percy has considered to diminish his muscle mass by doing exercise.  That means doing more cardio than power, or more aerobic than anaerobic if we say it otherwise. That could be an option, but is it the right one?

 

If having much muscle mass is a risk for your physical health, you should consider it, indeed. But if the reason is not at the physical frame, what can you do? Here some practical tips:

 

1. Don’t forget what motivated you – The first one you must remember is the reason why you entered training. Do you feel the same conviction than the first day?  Has it increased or decreased? If that excitement keeps strong, or if it has raised, it would be worthy you remind that to yourself everyday you wake up. But, if it had diminished, talk with your trainer alone for reviewing wwwhat is happening, defining what to do up forward.
2. Use your body language smart – Assume the people is going to see as they have eyes and you can’t do anything to stop them. Even, they can opine about, you can’t do anything to forbid it to them unless it turns stalking. However, if you detect somebody looks straight at that better-developed body part of yours, don’t act aggressively. Look at the eye, address a friendly smile like if were a greeting. The folk will realize you realized, so he or she will prefer to see aside.
3. Feel proud of all what you worked out – For what nobody ashame you with your body, begin not to feel ashamed of your body by yourself. Take atime alone for watching it, thinking these shapes catching the attention are the result of your own effort (and your genetics, maybe), so assume them like achievements or competitive assets. When you appreciate your body in a positive way, you can go much confident, much attitude, and the people will notice that immediately. They Will continue looking at you but you won’t feel overwhelmed about the way they look at you, actually.
4. Don’t do it if it’s by shame – Buying baggy clothes is an option only if it gives comfort to your body. But if you do it for eluding the problem, it’s going to increase the regret because, although you cover that highlighting part well, you’ll ever have the idea they follow seeing it anyway.
5. Switch your posse – Start to make friends who appreciate by your talent beyond your body shape, or that highlighting, umcomfortable body part, or who appreciate you like a full set, who help you to turn the uncomfortable into something natural. Of course, that will demand these friends have a wide-open mind, not telling about the psychological maturity. But consider if you relate with people who is ever repeating you the same, and  in the same tune, you’ll believe in the short-term or the long-term it’s the only way to see the world – your body too. A winner is characterized by keeping the comfort zones off.

 

Are those tips helpful to you? Do you have other queries? Write us on our Twitter account or at chulucanasgym@gmail.com

  

How to help when somebody has a problem

By ChulucanasGym

The existent public pressure over a bodybuilder or an athlete in general could be as high as this person had built a brand, and that brand means achievement, knowledge, or popularity. But the problem comes in when the carácter over that pressure is applied is not ever consonant to the person playing that role, and when it happens, the reaction could be self-destructive.

When that comes to happen, the reaction of the public uses to be mixed according to the degree of sympathy or antipathy to the character, which has to born, grow, and keep many times  in a vertiginous way, responsing much to the market commandments in spite of the own processes of personal building. And the justification of many athletes is that, before everything, they have to response to a sponsor, if they have one, or adapting to the conditions a potential sponsor imposes them, if they find one. And if the person has not been prepared mentally for understanding those exigences and knowing until what point he can put a limit, the frustration, the sadness, the anxiety can manifest anywhere until blasting in different grades.

Many sports careers got frustrated when that no-return point has manifested suddenly or become public, and if the self-destructive trend was already manifested on the top of the wave, it can be stressed once it breaks and the vicious circle ends to sink who be inside it again and again.

That’s how much important the psychological assistance is key in the work and life of any athlete. However, many sponsorship programmes don’t include it and many trainers or people recognized as mentors don’t have all the tools for serving as an emotional support because they think it is not a part of the work, because they think it corrects alone, or because they are also into that self-destructive trend. And what is worst, the own bodybuilders and athletes prescind of this kind of service alleging they are not mad nor freak.

Then, the key here is breaking up that vicious circle and the work is not only bodybuilder’s or athlete’s. It also has to be his possé, particularily other bodybuilders or athletes having some clarity for detecting when someone as them begins to bring down, and could be gathering energy that can blast in the less expected moment. As this problem uses to be more common than many people think, although they don’t speak about it, we go to draw here a possibly useful protocol for you.

If somebody claims for help is because somebody needs help

A basic rule consists in differentiate between the person who needs help and the person who looks ffor help. The first one shows evident signs that his things are going wrong but prefers to keep them inside or prefers to ignore them. The second one learns that something goes wrong, like a lost ship, and he ever will be seeing who can help him from the shore for correcting the course. Get focused in this second group of people because they are who really would get out the hole.

Then, if you see that somebody seems to be in trouble, keep expectant and try that he has it in clear. A friendly “you ever stand by me” said privately will be enough at all for that person in trouble to be aware of, when he decides to step ahead, he really will have whom ststands by. Of course, don’t make them empty or diplomatic words but a real promise.

So, what to do if the person needs help and doesn’t look for it. Unless you think you are enough able to asume a whole adbisory and companion process, the best is waiting for him to change his attitude. If you still think you have to pitch him a “you ever stand by me”, do it, but don’t feel frustrated if nothing happens after the “thanks”.

If you are in trouble, look for someone who is going to say you the clear things to get it out, not who is going to say you what you want to hear and cheating you that nothing is happening.

Detect the phrases, anticipate the main topics

Very few people uses to ask for help with the “This happens to me, I need some advice” formula. Generally, the person uses to project the problem and uses a formula like “What do you do if this could happen to you.”Surely if the person uses the first formula, means his decision to face and solve his problem is strong… although this is very relative.

Whatever the formula is, the first you must do before replying is to verify if the space is right and the time is enough (see the next step). If the answer is affirmative, try to answer sincerely and briefly. Remember that, at the moment, who has the problem is the another person. Although that doesn’t remove you ccan be passing through the same too, or another different situation, it could be right you learn to respect each individual case.

If the space and the time are not adequate, act sensitively. A “It’s a very interesting question and I’d like to answer it, but would you like if we talk about it much calm?” can work, maybe underlined by a gesture meaning “it’s not good to talk here”, a warm hand on the shoulder, and a smile. Yes, all that is a powerful pain relieving.

Another thing you must consider is anticipating to that person is going to tell you. Put in every scenario, imagine the phrases he can release, and prepare answers (look below in those tips). There’s no worst feedback for that person than putting a face of surprise, devastation, or thriller.  You simply will contribute to stress the idea that he has no relief, and that’s not true – not first hand. Surely it works better if you know to keep your mind open. If not, the best will be you say a “I got it – may we talk about it later?”, and solved case.

Unlink the world, relink inside

Once you agree to meet for talking about the problem, you have to consider two things: first, having all the possible time for the person to expand; second, the place where you are going to meet has none distraction. Also, regarding the technologic hegemony, it has to be a space and time you can prescind it at the most.

It’s not a social meeting, it’s a private conversation, so while the less distracting elements you have, you could concentrate more into the issue. Consider it’s about a respectful attitude to that person, himself, and yourself. If you are going to depend on a turned-on cellphone, the best is you take it another time later, because there’s not much baffling than opening the heart and suddenly a call or a message impossible to elude break up the whole thread.

About the time, obviously look for that one when you have nothing to do. The weekends are ideal because they are ever dedicated to rest. About the place, as we said, look for somewhere that avoids the distractions and that favors the comfortability of the another person in all case, not the yours. Although our advice is looking for a place like the countryside or a beach, if the person feels more comfortable indoors, respect his decision.

The first time is for relieving

When somebody has a problem and never has spoken about it to somebody else, experiences something called catharsis or releasing the inner me. The worst you can do is to cut off this process, so let it happens without interruption. Allow that person to take confidence, relieving what he feels, going to build his story or his argument totally free until he takes everything off. That’s why we insisted on the importance to care the space and the time.

If you detect he has difficulty to do that catharsis but he wants to experience it, you could create some kind of a simple task helping to that purpose. If you learned meditation exercises, those use to be pretty good. If you don’t know both techniques, you can write us down at chulucanasgym@gmail.com for bringing you some ideas.

About your body language, what the psychologists recommend is you set comfortabily as close as you trust each one, face-to-face as well as besides. It’s important there is an intimacy environment that favors to relieve. If your degree of trust is high (especially if you’re buddies), a hand on the shoulder or an arm over both shoulders with a quiet face are amazing, so don’t miss to experience the physical contact. But if the person rejects it, don’t insist.

Listen to without judging

We said before that one of the things you must do when somebody asks your for help is to anticipate for knowing how to react. It’s not about filling with prejudges, it’s about making you stronger to provide right the required help. So, when that person begins to relieve and wwhile he does it, don’t disturb him to say if what he did or said was good or bad, just let him to do his process. Once he finishes, you can evaluate caring to be very sensitive and firm at the same time.

We said before you need to have a widest mind for facing what he has to tell you, and in this respect, consider that any controversial issue can appear in the conversation. In our experience, the probable scenarios forming very hard emotional charges for any person are: his family or economic situation, consumption of forbidden or addictive substances, some chronic health condition, stalking or violence, some legal trouble, a repressed sexual orientation, or a few conventional, extra-spor either, job decision.

It could be complicated here to say you how to react before each scenario because the problems are different from person to person. However, we insist that your serenity, your strength, your affection, and your common sense (especially) are going to be much helpful.

Advise honestly, learn to set limits

One of the most valuable things  when you expose your point of view is saying what you think honestly, not what the another person would expect to listen, if not why did he look for you? However, even when the another person has the whole intention to solve the problem, it’s probable he sets some resistance in the beginning. If that happens, don’t work on him to change his mind because it will be worst. Just expose your point of view, let him that after the conversation, to meditate himself and to take the most adequate action course.

Once both of you have nothing more to talk, close the moment naturally, friendly, happy, that the whole moment you stood feels like something releasing, not like something uploading more for you or for that person because it’s not about it.

If both of you think a session won’t be enough, arrange a new meeting for talking and hearing as the role is, but indeed, warn him of your available time for a sense of respect also exists from his own process. Remember him you will agree to listen to him, thank him for trusting in you, encourage him for stepping to solve what concerns him. This has to be clear everyway. The same thing about the personal spaces - You can’t invade  them when any of both wants so!

Don’t let for any reason that your participation turns into a dependence of any kind. That would be harming for real. One thing is the humankind and the sense of solidarity, but one another is taking advantage for submitting body and soul. Don’t allow that, and wwhen you feel that is happening, stop it and take the best decision for both, including to get out apart.

Your help doesn’t replace the professional help

As we said in the beginning, many bodybuilders and athletes prescind a professional assistance from a psychologist or a psychiatrist, just in case. But they are also clear that in many times of their life they require to have their mind healthy (as much as or more than their body). It’s that time when your help as an emotional support works right. However, one thing you must have very clear is you don’t replace the work of a psychologist or a psychiatrist, unless you are, what means a double advantage for who asks your for help. But if you are not both proffesionists, your work consists in complementing and supporting the therapies or the treatments when they are ordered.

In that sense, your responsibility as an emotional support is including into your advisory package  that the person asking you for help to attend one of those health specialists. Inclusive you could go with him the day of the consult.

So, no all the cases have to end before a psychologist or a psychiatrist, but those ones what your resources as a support and the resources of that person for healing himself are limited, when you sincerely see there is a barrier  that the simple advice is not going to overcome. That’s when one has to be brave and accepting the professional assistance.

If in your community there’s no sports psychologist, look if there are clinic psychologists or psychiatric doctors. It’s good to have their phone numbers so easy and ask for references to serious persons for the sessions to be really healing, because –it’s good to say- many mental health specialists use to be badly mad than an average guy.

Educate about, accumulate wisdom

Do you remember when we talked about anticipating to the conversation? It’s probable this step you make base don the information you already know, but how much accurate is that information? If you are who loves to read everything and to have a general culture above the average, it’s probable you get more criteria width to understand what the person asking you for help is going to say you. That affords much.

However, no matter how much you anticipate, there will be issues out of your range. It’s not your fault because we can’t know or guess all. When that happens, help inside your skills, but get committed to search and learn about the issue on reliable sources that you can find now even on the Internet. If you get that researching and educating process to be made with the person asking you for help, the better. It’s probable that both realize that the solution was much more simple to find.

Anyway, have a time and a space to continue learning about the issue that involves the person asking you for help. If possible, ask serious specialists, try to educate around you, especially your training place – you know very well it’s one of the places where the prejudges are abundant, and many times the ignorance kills more than the own problem. Even it can save your own life.

Remember you’ll help to solve a problem, not that you are going to solve the problem on behalf of the another person

As we said before, a fatal mistake when an emotional support is provided is letting the person who asks you for help to leave the whole problem up for you to solve him, or generating dependence ties through that person is not going to move a finger unless you request it. Both scenarios are not adequate nor healthy, so you have to avoid them from the beginning of the process.

A “Look – I’m going to help you as much as I can, but who is going to solve the problem is you” said friendly, firmly since the first moment is a good beginning. Never let to include this disclaimer. In the same way, when you feel that person pitches you a “Do it on behalf of me” or similar formulas, you answer with the same attitude something like “That wwas not we agreed” or “It’s like you would be Mr. Universe but I work out instead of you.”

Ever encourage the person that although you can give some tips or ideas to find a solution for the problem, its that person who has the exclusive responsibility to solve it. Don’t give up to the emotional blackmail  of “If you were my friend” or “But you said me.” Remember him and remember that every guy has freedom to take own decisions, so the success or the defeat are on their hand, not your hands, nor nobody’s hands.

What he says you is a secret

One of the requirements of any emotional support is the confidentiality. Everything talked, the way how reacted, the content of the conversation is something that must keep only between you. Nobody else has the right to know it, and it’s the person asking for help who has to decide who and how shares it to what is happening him anyway.

Even if the contact is made by social media (what is a valid possibility), never go to use the virtual public spaces for making contact or advising. Instead, use the chat, that offers some privacy, although as much as you can, the better is the face-to-face contact.

If you have to congratulate the person for advancing on the process or closing it, try to be in private. If the person, despite your caution, wants his problem to become public, is his right. Decide too if you want to get out to the open as the person who helpsbut make it whenever the another person request it to you. Never take the initiative to highlight yourself because you’ll bring down all the healing process and it will be seen as a very disgusting action.

As everytime, any doubt you have, wwrite us down at chulucanasgym@gmail.com or follow us on our Twitter account.

The ChulucanasGym founder team appears on this entry.